😎Leaders are made, they are not born😎. 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀 #leaders #leadership #businesstips #blackblack #naturegreen #sunsetphotography #treestagram #instagramm #checkitout #holyday #workshop #time #workinghard #stuff #shoulds #amazingplaces #view #instaview #ınstalike #instacomment #commentbelow #coolview #omgomg #skylovers #photographymodel #modelstyle #okcool #sunglasseslover #dude #men
Have you ever been should on? Have you been told, “Christians shouldn’t feel anxious?” I have. “Shoulding” on ourselves or others isn’t helpful. It usually creates shame and guilt, not healing and growth. Many Christians experience guilt and shame because of their anxiety. We know God tells us not to fear, but we still do. Why? Paul, an amazing follower of Jesus, said, “What I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do (Romans 7:15 ). Anxiety is part of the human condition. It is something we need to fight against using the Word of God, and anxiety reducing techniques available to us. Have you been should on?
I N D E C I S I O N - ‘I’m awful at making decisions’ ‘I’m so indecisive’. Have you noticed how these labels stick? But what’s going on behind our indecision? Fear - Fear keeps us firmly rooted in place. As Susan Jeffers says, under that fear is the fear that we can’t handle life. ‘If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear?’ Not knowing - We call it indecision when we simply haven’t worked it out yet. We’re in a rush to have an answer so pressurise ourselves to have it sorted. Allowing yourself space and time to work it through is an important part of the process. Shoulds - We feel conflicted between what we want to do and what we feel we ‘should’ do. You flit back and forth continuously or end up procrastinating until you become worn down. Inner critic - We give all the power to our inner critic because they shout the loudest. It tells us we can’t do it or we don’t deserve it and keeps us in limbo. How to overcome indecision? Feel the fear and do it anyway - You’re stronger than you think - we forget this in the moment of fear. How rational is your fear? Write everything you are fearful of, review how real each is. If it deserves further thought, list everything you can do to reduce this fear. Give yourself time - Understanding what you need, and what is important to you helps provide an anchor so that when it comes to making a decision you feel more confident. The more you know yourself, the easier decisions become. Trust yourself - Notice when a ‘should’ is controlling your decision making. Who or what is driving the ‘should’? When you can put the ‘should’ aside, what you want becomes clear. Reframe self-talk - Being aware of how your inner critic holds you back opens up a world of possibility and reassurance. When you notice the narrative they are playing out (rarely this bears any truth ), see if you can replace this with a kinder, truthful message. Over time, this will become more natural. When you feel indecisive, ask yourself what's going on behind the indecision. Is it fear that's preventing you, your inner critic or a 'should'. Maybe you just haven't made up your mind yet and that's ok.
“You should do this!” “I should do that.” “They should think about others.” I came across someone recently whose sentences were sprinkled with ‘should’. Too often we use the word “Should” in our daily conversations. There is a force, a push to the word ‘should’. It is as if some higher invisible authority is speaking through you and dictating your life. Next time you find yourself using the word ‘should’ ask yourself, “According to who?” And witness the lightness in your speech and thoughts as you say sentences without this word. #should #shoulds #lifecoach #lifecoaching #mindfulness #daily #youcandoit #transformationalcoaching
No matter how well-intended the person is - not all good advice is going to be good for YOU. It’s important to listen to your intuition and see how any advice actually fits into your dreams & life & ideals. I dive pretty deep into exploring “should” lives and “right” lives in my blog. Read on to find out what these are. 👉link in bio. https://www.julieloomis.com/blog/i-had-to-stop-shoulding #coachjulie #mindfulness #grateful #gratitude #roadmaptosuccess #happy #success #highperformance #chpc #coaching #happiness #dreams #loveyourself #growth #motivation #shoulds
I've been making more time to read which I'm loving. I'm currently reading two books a review copy of Quieting the shout of should by @crystalstine and The big leap by @hendricks .gay. I've chosen both books because of things I've learnt doing the Reboot your life course with @michellereevescoaching and @thisismyeraofficial . I struggled with an exercise about the shoulds in my life so wanted to read more on the topic. I also realised I'm self sabotaging as I do not go to bed early enough to do my morning routine. And this is stopping me move forward on my goals. So time to read about the upper limit problems. As I'm finding the course helpful I'm really pleased to get Michelle's book this week. I hope this is going to help me improve my morning and evening routines. #socialdistancingpositivity Day 136
Yesterday I spoke about the "shoulds" in my Stories. Should I be thinner? Should I be fit? Should I be more masculine? Should I have a bigger bulge?... Today I have bought a pack of Abanderado briefs (made in Spain ). It's a little daddy issue as my dad wore them, too. My dad had no body image conflicts. I used to have... but things are changing. My body is not perfect, but is mine. I am chunky, I have a belly, manboobs and some rolls here and there... I am almost 38 and I have a "dadbod". Sometimes I challenge myself to show my body and see that I am not ugly, unworthy or succesful not being thinner or looking like those muscular guys. I am a regular man with a functional life. And, at this point, who really cares if I am not so stunning or manly for others if, somehow, I have learnt to feel myself sexy as fuck... 🔥🤷🏼♂️ . . #abanderado #underwear #calzoncillosabanderado #calzoncillos #dadbod #fofisano #bodypositive #instamen #instabear #beardedmen #beefy #chunky #bearsandcubs #almost40 #shoulds #empowerment #iamsexysize
How often do you use the word "should"? If you're like most people then it would be at least a few times a day! This word has become a part of our every day dialogue, so much so that we rarely pay attention to the true meaning behind it. - We often use it in conversations with others, to motivate ourselves, in our relationships with our partners, or to even express an array of emotions. But if you think about how the statements with "should" make you feel you'll start to see it can be a pretty negative word which does the opposite of motivating you. - Should can often lead to feelings of anxiety, stress and lack of control. Instead try replacing it with other words such as "could" or "would" as those are words which encourage autonomy and freedom.
How many times do we see red flags but push forward just the same, sometimes with greater intensity? We are bombarded with expectations that, if we don’t stand conscious, will cripple our inner life. Join me as I share The Tailor’s story and the wealth of wisdom that we can draw from it. #redflags #returntoyourself #homing #home #Self #soul #lifecoach #innermarriage #individuation #womenempowerment #selfmastery #marriedlife #becomingwives #christinaforbesthomas #soulwork #healing #spiritualawakening #selflove #wildwoman #story #womenwhorunwiththewolves #creativity #traumahealing #selfexpression #balance #consciousness #wholeness #culture #shoulds #relationships
I want to criticize other women. ▪️ And I accept the challenge: ▪️ To question why we would all want to do this so called 'black and white picture challenge'. ▪️ If I whitewash all my negative impulses: my jealousy, my envy, my competitiveness, my perfectionism, etc. in a black and white pic that I filtered on Insta... ▪️ If I say: oh no! This is bad! We must not criticize other women and I will join a movement to commit for a day or a week to stop criticizing other women... ▪️ Will that really stop me from doing it? ▪️ No. What it will do will enforce a 'SHOULD': ▪️ And I won't do that. ▪️ More importantly this movement started in Turkey because women are being murdered. It doesn't have to do with women criticizing each other at all. ▪️ I'm not willing to bury Femicide in Turkey with a watered down version of female empowerment that doesn't empower us at all. ▪️ "Turkish people wake up every day to see a black and white photo of a woman who has been murdered on their Instagram feed, on their newspapers, on their TV screens. The black and white photo challenge started as a way for women to raise their voice. To stand in solidarity with the women we have lost. To show that one day, it could be their picture that is plastered across news outlets”. ▪️ Imaann Patel ▪️ What happened to that worthy message? ▪️ Clouding femicide with a 'should' about an issue that is counter productive will lead to far more suffering in the long run. ▪️ I hope you can hear me. ▪️ ▪️ ▪️ #turkey #femicide #abusesurvivor #abusesurvivors #childrenofdomesticviolence #domesticviolence #domesticviolenceawareness #challengeaccepted #empoweringwomen #istanbul #istanbulgirls #blackandwhitephotography #photography #torontophotographers #beautiful #beautifulwomens #beauty #incredulos #incredulity #shoulds #ishould #ebb_type_personality #women #suffering #meditation #spirituality #goddesses #godislove #thewayoutisthrough #victimmentality @silencedturkey @let_women_live @daughtersoffemicide @empoweringwomennow @challengeaccepted25 @blackandwhitechallenge @blackandwhitechallenge_ ▪️ Photo by @the_sinistral_one
We get buried under who we were told to be or who we believe we should be and we lose ourselves in trying to measure up to often impossibly high standards that simply don’t fit us to begin with. Being the person you were born to be means shedding those expectations, listening deep within, and following what your heart is telling you one nudge at a time. #heartcentered #beyou #alignment #expectations #beyourselfeveryoneelseisalreadytaken #beyoucoaching #shoulds #releaseexpectations #authenticity #theworldneedsyou #loveyourself #jilljerabeklifecoach #bethepersonyouwereborntobe #uncoverme #unleashyourself #whowereyoubeforetheworldtoldyouwhotobe
Here are a few signs that you might benefit from deconditioning... -you live your life according to other people’s plans, expectations & decisions -your decisions are based off of what you think, or have been told, you “should” or “shouldn’t” do -you find yourself struggling to make choices that are actually in your best interest (self-sabotagers ) -you regularly feel dissatisfied, bitter, a lack of recognition, angry, frustrated or disappointed in your life let me know which ones speak to you 😰 (feel free to comment or dm me as always! ) & there’s no shame or judgment here, it’s just an indicator that there’s definitely another way you can do things & live more in alignment with your energy ... next I’ll talk more about each human design center individually & what deconditioning looked like for me & what it could look like for you ✨ . . . #humandesign #deconditioning #shoulds #energywork #clearing
The only “should” there exists lies within your own consciousness. You are the only one that knows what’s best for you. You are the only one that can decide. You are the only one that can explore. You are the only one that can act. You are the pinnacle. This doesn’t mean you don’t listen to advice. It doesn’t mean you don’t take other people into consideration. It doesn’t mean you are selfish. It doesn’t mean you are neglecting what is being offered to you or what you are being invited into. It doesn’t mean you don’t need help. It doesn’t mean you aren’t learning and taking in new insights. It doesn’t mean you are caving in. No. It means that with life, with each breath you take and with each act you commit, you will reflect and you will learn. You will realize the reasons why you did what you did or thought what you thought. Then, you’ll know that your soul needed to go through xyz in order to evolve. You will not shame yourself. You will not say things like “I should’ve done xyz”. No. Instead, you will breathe, you will connect to your power source (the heart/soul ) and you will know the next step to take. You are an ever-evolving piece of art. No one tells the artist what to do. The artist simply paints. #pathtobecoming
Human design talks a lot about “deconditioning.” Once you discover your chart, the next major thing everyone says you need to do is “decondition” yourself in order to “live out your design” or something along those lines. It’s kind of confusing language, but I do think the idea & process is really important, especially for people who feel stuck in their current life, or like nothing they do to change is working. If you’re trying to find your purpose & path & want a change in direction, you might benefit from deconditioning... so I thought I’d spend a little time talking about it because it’s been super helpful for me. More still to come, like what it even is exactly & why it’s helpful, but let me know if you have any questions about it here in the mean time! Ask me anything ✨❤️🙏 . . . #deconditioning #humandesign #humandesignexperiment #projectors #generators #manifestinggenerators #manifestors #energyiseverything #play #experiment #astrology #energy #energyhealing #reflectors #authority #radicalyes #growth #lifepath #purpose #direction #shoulds
If you do one thing today, SUPPORT yourself. Self-support was probably the most influential thing that I began to cultivate as I started my healing journey and my path to living an expansive life (I'm still a work in progress too! ). Self-support looks like: - checking in with your feelings and choosing actions that support feeling good. - living from your centre and making decisions that align with your truth, wants and needs (it's not selfish, it's vital! ) - saying no and setting boundaries, even when it's difficult. - celebrating your successes and not feeling shy when doing it (you worked damn hard, so thank yourself and be proud! ) - choosing situations that serve you and choosing to spend time with people who inspire you to live your best, most authentic life. - saying yes to rest when you need it. - listening to yourself, before other people's expectations, wants and 'shoulds'. We 'should' on ourselves way to often! Where to START: - Start small. Check in with yourself often. Know that your feelings are valid and prove this to yourself through validating them. - Ask yourself what you need. - Meet your own needs. Maybe this looks like spending off-time in nature rather than scrolling, or choosing to have an early night because it will serve you. - Begin voicing your needs. This may look like saying no to something you don't want to attend, you setting a boundary within your work schedule or work/life balance. You life happens through you! This means that all that you experience is coloured by how you're feeling and thinking. Self-support allow your to feel better and think more positively. It really changes everything! #self -support #support #shoulds #expectations #boundaries #betterboundaries #self -supporter #selfhealing #healingjourney #selfawareness #limitless #myfeelings #feelingsarefeedback #feelingsarevalid #imokay #iamworthy #selfworth #creatingfutureme #futureme #mirror #mirrorphotography #lifestyle #selfesteem #grlpwr #girlpower
Yup. Another note to self and note to you: If we already have a preconceived notion of how we think others SHOULD be acting, behaving, reacting, living etc.. we are setting ourselves up in the judgment seat. And when others fail to meet the standards that WE have set, we are setting ourselves up for resentment.. And I share this because I struggle with this.. daily. And while our ability to form sound judgments between what we believe to be right and wrong is important, the meaning that we attach to those beliefs is what determines how we treat others. Is someone's ability to choose right or wrong the determiner of their value? If someone acts in a way that is contrary to our moral standards does this deem them less worthy? Does this then give us a free ticket to jerkville? The truth is that we are very very human. We are also very conditional in how we treat one another whether we'd like to admit it or not. So here's one question.. are your shoulds showing? "“Do not judge, so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get. Why do you see the speck in your neighbor's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye." Matthew 7:1-5 #shoulds #judgement #resentment #beliefs #benice
You're not ahead or behind anybody else. Events have screwed up a lot of plans! Try not to compare when it feels like you're falling behind where you 'should' be. Beware the shoulds! We are all on different timelines. The guy ahead today, stumbles tomorrow. Focus on your own steps, one at a time. 👊 Head up, let's go! . . #counselling #counsellor #therapist #therapy #therapistsofinstagram #support #mentalhealth #awesomeness #depression #anxiety #bereavement #confidence #selfesteem #shoulds #onestepatatime #letsgo ! #bridgwater #taunton #somerset
Learning how to be honest and being willing to do so is the cure for all non-environmental stress disorders. It is the key to managing the disease of moralism. It is the most worthwhile focus of our attention as humans of this time and the only thing with half a chance to save us from ourselves. This is vital to our life and to the survival of life for all of us. Our problems do not arise from not thinking enough before we speak. Just the opposite is true. The way we learn to think and modify what we have to say before we speak kills millions of us unnecessarily and lays waste most of the cripples left, injured but still alive. I believe the ways we take care of ourselves so poorly arise out of the starvation we experience from being cut off from the nourishment of commonplace experience, including the experience of intimacy. We are responsible for cutting ourselves off from experience by substituting our interpretations of reality for reality. We invent some fundamental lies about how life should be and shouldn't be, how life is or isn't according to what we have taught ourselves to ignore or deny and what can or cannot be talked about. We compensate for our sense of something missing and our boredom with a kind of frenetic, compulsive use of food, alcohol, and drugs to try to get temporary relief from imprisonment in our own minds. We are all liars. People with notable stress disorders like ulcers, insomnia, spastic colitis, etc., are worse liars than normal people, although so-called normal people are generally unhappy from lying, withholding, hiding, and avoiding and evading as well. When I say what people normally do, please take it as a personal invitation to be abnormal. This is an invitation to abnormality from someone who has tried both normal lying and abnormal truth telling.
THE SHOULDS!! I have a whole chapter in my book #forceofhabit about the #shoulds and how when you #should on yourself or others you are not living your #ideallife So, my friends - think about where you are shoulding on yourself and how you can stop! Posted @withregram • @jenpastiloff Isn’t it? I’m sick of assholes. Myself included 😂 Tag your favorite non-Asshole!! @howiedoinit #shouldisanasshole
𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐟 “𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐬” 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰? These demands we make of ourselves can be taxing…“I 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 be doing this”, “I 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 be working out every day” or “I shouldn’t feel that way” or “I 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵 be eating this”. We think that we motivate ourselves with such statements. However, it often has the opposite effect 🤯 The 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 “should” we should take on as humans is that we should be capable of making mistakes or being wrong! 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘭𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨? REPLACE those “shoulds” with “𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐬” or “𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐬”. e.g. “It would be nice if I did that / I wonder how I could do that” Or, REFRAME “should” with “𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨”. e.g. “I want to do that because it is to my advantage, not because someone is telling me I should or must.” “Shoulds” are different to “wants” - “should” has an element of judgement about where we currently are, whereas “want” denotes direction as to where we would like to head. It guides us into a growth mindset 💟 ❇️Today, try catching those “shoulds” in your thoughts. Don’t judge that they’re there, just question them. Decide if they actually serve you, or are you trying to serve the people around you, the systems and society you live in? What freedom can you find when you let go of those “shoulds” that aren’t actually serving you? 𝗪𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 “𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝” 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰? 🆘
Stuck is a feeling, not a fact. Don't let yourself get stuck in the mindset that you're trapped or can't get anywhere. This mentality won't get you anywhere. The fact is that you have a problem. The "feeling" is that you are the problem. By reframing the concern into a list of issues, you start to see solution possibilities. The very small action of doing a list shifts the focus from you to "it". The very act of describing the "it" makes it tangible, and therefore empowers you to do something about "it". From this simple act, you gain freedom. You move outside of yourself to look at the issue from a new dimension. Learn to focus on the "wants" not the "shoulds". Often, what drives developmental crises is the need to stop building your life on the rules (the shoulds ) that you have in your head and have been following for so long. Instead begin to build your life on what you want, those gut reactions. With the help of a coach you can learn to get into a habit of turning this feeling of being stuck into something that helps you move on and move forward! We've all felt stuck before. We'll get past it together! . . . #jaialife #stuck #coaching #movingon #improving #shoulds #wants #feeling #mentality #wellness #coaching #hearingfromyou #health &wellness #wecare #nursesonamission #ourvision #ourmission #illuminateyourself #thepathforward #yourjourney #wellcoaches #wearenurses #lifestylemedicinecoach #wellnesscoaches #yourdestiny #twowomen #ourjourney #coachintraining #followourjourney #togetherness
If you notice the word "should" coming up a lot in your mind, chances are that you're placing unrealistic expectations on yourself. . "I should feel grateful." Well no one feels grateful all the time. . "I shouldn't have thoughts like that!" But you can't control what thoughts pop up... . If you notice that you're shoulding all over yourself, you can: - consider whether your expectations are unreasonable. - soften toward yourself by exercising self-compassion - notice that you're having a thought and bring your attention back to the here and now. - consider whether this "should" is something that would benefit you and something a part of you would prefer you did in that moment. That might not be a should - that might just be something you're ambivalent about because it's challenging or initially unpleasant. . Whatever you do, don't let the shoulds run the show. . #cognitivedistortions #cognitivetherapy #cbt #lmft #therapyiscool #anxietytips #cbttherapy #mentalwellness #therapistsofinstagram #intrusivethoughts #depressionrecovery #depressionsupport #shoulds #loweryourexpectations #mentalhealthawareness . #mentalhealthandwellness #clinicaltherapist #ocd #anxietydisorders #knowyourmind #knowyourbrain #perceptioniseverything #understandingmentalhealth #stinkingthinking #anxietyrecovery #ocdrecovery #bfrb #bdd #illnessanxietydisorder #socialanxiety
I’ll tell you what. There’s a whole lotta shouldin’ going on around here! We all have things that we need to do, even more things that we want to do, and somewhere in the middle it can be really easy to start telling ourselves the things we should be doing and shouldn’t be doing. I found myself getting into that space today. I have a lot of ambitions and a lot of fires to tend to currently. But this voice in my head telling me that I should be doing more can really put a lot of pressure on me. It starts to make the whole thing no fun. And I’ll tell you what! I’m here to have fun! I know I’m not alone in this. We first have to have an awareness that it’s happening and then step back and get some perspective… Are we doing enough? Does everything need to happen today, this week, or this month? I think a deeper underlying question is, are we enough? If you are an ambitious and driven person like me and you find that can put pressure on you in a negative way and affect your joy, then join me in taking a breath feeling all that shit let go. Let it go when you breathe out, and look at the beautiful day, knowing you’re good enough and doing good enough. #selflove #imenough #breathe #breatheinbreatheout #breathing #shoulds #letthatshitgo
✨ #MotivationalMonday + #MindsetMonday = #MagicMonday : If #CarrieBradshaw posted memes during this pandemic, she may ask, “Are YOU SHOULDing all over yourself?”🤷♀️ . Our “I should..” statements are a common negative thought pattern or “ #CognitiveDistortion ” where the statement/💭 about how we SHOULD behave sets us up for failure as we judge self & an unmet expectation leading to guilt/shame/stress!😱 It’s like a reverse Jedi mind trick into LACK energy🙅♀️, so STOP🛑 doing this to yourself and others! . #TipsAndTricks to cut out #ShouldingAllOverYourself : First, notice when you make an “I should” or “you should” statement. . Second, ask “Should I/they really??” And “WHY should I/they do that?” Most “shoulds” are a false authority voice in your head that’s carried over from parents/leaders/society or our perception of what’s ideal for our lives, but is that even TRUE for YOU or them? Example: “I should be working out every day” (I said I’d do recently ); but really my body holds onto fat when I exert too much, so I reframe to “I will work out 3-4 X/wk and have compassion for myself and still acknowledge if one day it’s a walk to mail box and a few sofa cruches.☺️ . Third, think, “do I, my #HighestSelf really WANT that?🤔” Our own dreams and desires of the #TrueSelf come from an inner fire🔥, while #shoulds come from outer expectations and therefore becomes burdens we carry (often manifesting in should-er or upper back pain🤯 ). Often #TheShoulds aren’t for you (or not now ) which is why you’re not feeling the urge to follow through. (Don’t get this confused with your fear-based ego’s procrastination and self-sabotage though ). . Forth, reframe the “I should..” to “I WANT to..” or “I CAN.. and I WILL..!” Do you see how much more empowering those statements are? Then DO IT because YOU really WANT to! Yet if you miss doing it, especially in these roller coaster🎢, extra trying times, don’t beat yourself up my perfectionist soul bro/sis by saying “I should have...” then feel like a failure!🤨 Have compassion for your beautiful self doing your best and comitt to change your behavior to I CAN.. and today/or this wk (bc no time like the present ), I WILL!💪✨🥳😘
Série distorções cognitivas - são formas disfuncionais de processamento de uma informação, ou seja, interpretações erradas do que ocorre ao nosso redor, gerando múltiplas consequências negativas. #tiraniadosdeverias #tyrannyofshoulds #shoulds #must #ought #cognitivedistortions #distorçõescognitivas #tcc #terapiacognitivocomportamental #aaronbeck #semanaaaronbeck
I often forget how #badass i am. Letting others dictate to me my worth. Letting others #shame me. Or put their #shoulds on me. Then I weld something. Lift something very heavy. Change a flat on my bike. Run 10 miles. Or take the pipes apart and remedy a clog. I forget how capable and strong i really am. #ihandlemyownshit #mamawolf #wishamotherfuckerwould #raisingboys #raisinggirls Still learning. Growing. Evolving.
Yes, I’m letting some of my New York born-and-bred sarcasm come out here. But I’m not kidding around about what we all need to be mindful of when communicating to someone about what that person is feeling at a given moment. Especially if the feeling is an unhappy if not painful feeling— like, e.g., sadness, fear, rejection, hurt, disappointment, or hopelessness. I guess you could say I’m on a campaign here. The campaign’s slogan is: “Mindfully work on not saying any of the following statements: -— “you really should/shouldn’t feel ________!” —- “you really should/shouldn’t think ________!” —- “you have to (move on ) (get over it )!” —- “just (do/say/act/be ) ________!” Maybe the person making statements like these means well. Or at least they may THINK they mean well! I can tell you though what they’re actually being: pretty darn insensitive! Which goes with the two “dis-“ words I used in the title: dismissive and disregarding. Let me take this another step though. Chances are when someone makes statements like these to you, I’m figuring they really don’t know at that moment what else to say, or they really don’t want to listen to you anymore. So consider doing yourself AND the other person a big favor. Tell them that what you really need from them right now is to either just listen without offering any feedback, offer feedback but only if you ask them for some, or (if they are getting burned out from listening ) have them honestly yet tactfully/sensitively tell you something like “I‘m sorry ___, but I really need a time-out from all this right now, because I need some time to sort out all you’re telling me. Please understand that.” The latter might sting a little bit at first to hear, but at least it’s honest, non-judgemental, and not insensitive/dismissive/disregarding like those other statements are. So: how do YOU feel when someone uses the words “should” or “shouldn’t” or “just” when you are sharing vulnerable feelings or thoughts? Do you ever let people know it’s upsetting to you when they do that? Are you guilty of saying things like this sometimes YOURSELF frankly? #communicationtips #insensitivity #shoulds #drsidlistens
What should you be doing right now? I should be folding laundry or completing a continuing education course, but instead I'm curled up in a chair with The Sin Eater! I started this one recently and I am pleasantly surprised. The Sin Eater has certainly caught my attention. It's been so easy to be transported away to 16th-century England. And, as a trauma psychologist, I'm impressed with the 14-year-old sin eater's ability to quickly adapt to her newly appointed position, while managing her responses to recurrent traumas. Well done Megan Campisi! Are you escaping your to do list with a good read? What should you be doing right now? #atriabooks #bookstagram #booksofinstagram #currentread #currentlyreading #bookworm #booknerd #timetravel #historicalfiction #readingforselfcare #selfcare #hidingfromthekids #avoidinghousework #todolist #shoulds #sineater #trauma #resiliency
Leave the Shoulds behind for a minute and do yourself a favor of following your Would! If you could do anything in life, what would you do?
💕لا يوجد شيء ينقصك حتى تصبح افضل، اقوى ، اكثر ثراء ،اسرع او حتى اجمل ، فكل شيء موجود بالفعل بداخلك فقط عليك ان تبحث عنه في ثنايا شخصيتك ، كن مهووسا بكل شيء تريده في حياتك ، لو لم تفعل ! ستمضي بقية حياتك تختلق الأعذار.. هناك مسارين ، أي واحد سوف تختار المشي عليه ؟ ✨ you must be obsessed ! ✨👆🏻 #danakittaneh #must #healthy #obsession #possible #for #your #life #passion #turn #shoulds #to #musts #do_not #accept #average #work #outcome #mine #no_limitations #see #goal #develop #yes_i_can 💪🏻
"I should be working out more than I am." "I should be enjoying this downtime more than I am." "I should be getting more done than I am." I've been hearing these type of statements from well-meaning, loving indivduals just trying to stay afloat. I've been hearing a lot of shoulds which leads to expectations which leads to resentment and disappointment. To which I highly suggest, take off your pressure hat, release the tension in your body and let go of the expectations. Friends, right now is the time for gentleness, support, and compassion. Let go of any expectations that life has to be a certain way. That you need to be a certain way. Let go of expectations and create space for more compassion in your life. Especially right now. How can you let in more compassion today? #compassion #selfcompassion #radicalselfcompassion #letgoofexpectations #bringinmorecompassion #compassionheals #compassionsaves #expectations #shoulds #letgooftheshoulds #dontshouldonyourself #mentalwellness #personalgrowth #supporteachother
Don’t “should” on yourselves people! I know my life is full of “shoulds” and, honestly, some of them really help me out! Having rules and expectations of our selves isn’t necessarily a problem in itself, but it’s when they become too rigid, come from others rather than being owned as something we’ve found works in our lives, or spark harsh or relentless self-criticism (which they so often do ) that they get too big for their boots! Some great alternatives to saying the word “should” are “I want to…”, “It’s a good thing to…” and “I’m going to…” 😃😃😃 Thanks @avamariedoodles for the reminder! #psychology #positivethinking #thepowerofpositivethinking #mindset #shoulds #havetos #outtos #motivation #mentalhealth #positivevibesonly #bodyimage #healthyeating #exercise #goals #dreams #sharegoodness #instagoodness #spreadhappiness
Anyone else feel like the “shoulds” are showing up a lil extra these past few weeks? I should be working harder I should be more productive I should be more organized I should be doing more IG Live Workouts (i know you’ve accidentally tapped into more than one of these😉 ) I should be [insert area you “should” yourself most in] I’m seeing this everywhere — with friends, with clients, with myself.. something about this moment of time is allowing our minds to explore shadows new and old. So let’s break it down. When all of these “shoulds” are perfectly planted together in a potter (and frequently fertilized with comparison and negative self-talk ) they bloom into massive feelings of NOT ENOUGHNESS. And I want to note — you all know that BEING is my ultimate goal for all of us. Knowing that simply by being you are enough. But I want to make it clear that BEING does not mean you can’t be “doing” as well. It isn’t about shaming productivity, or aspirations to be our highest selves. It’s about learning to be present in the now and understanding WHY we do the things we do in the first place. It’s about awareness of our motivation. It’s about ensuring that we are embodied in our actions, versus simply “doing” to prove ourselves, or for external validation. It’s about being curious. My intention for this week: To be present with and curious of what is showing up and why is is. To consistently choose love over fear. Are any “shoulds” showing up for you? Lemme know. Awareness is the first step into growth. 🤍
It's a new year and with that of course comes new goals. My main goal for 2018 was learning to be open. This dude right here has taught me so much of that and has pushed me in many areas to be a better version of myself. He didn't preach at me, he was just there for me and led by example. Another wonderful human that has taught be bushels of things is @emjoina of course because she's a real one I just don't have any dope pics of us. Going into 2019 my main goals are Love More and Live With Strength. I want to live with strength in my faith mostly. Of course I have financial goals and powerlifting goals as well as many other but those aren't as important to me. With that being said I hope everyone has a fantastic 2019. Let's make it the best year ever. ▪️ ▪️ ▪️ ▪️ ▪️ #bromance #imcuter #buthesthedaddy #shoulds #cods #vod #iamsohrightnow #wouldfrolic #friends #travel #motivation #motivationalquotes #family #adventure #goals #fitness #fitspo #fitnessmotivation #fitfam #powerlifting #overcoming #thrive #overcomingdepression #mentalhealth #learning #overcominganxiety #overcomingobstacles
WHY IT'S A SELF-CARE REVOLUTION 👊🏼 TO DITCH THE SHOULDs // We all have them, the SHOULDs— We SHOULD wake up early to work out daily, meditate for an hour, make a healthy breakfast, reach inbox zero, speak up in meetings, clean our home, AND get 9 hours of sleep.... 🤯 But instead of being motivating, these SHOULDs more often overwhelm us. They create DRAMA in our lives. They make us feel UNWORTHY, not enough, wishful, and lazy. 😓 Let’s put a stop 🛑 to that, shall we? 🙋♀️🙋♀️ 👉🏻 We have ENOUGH stress already just from living in the world without adding all these rules to live by that don’t serve us––especially when it comes to self-care. After all, SELF-CARE is supposed to be SELF-care, not 🙅🏼 "someone-else's-agenda-care," right? 😂 😂 Instead, let’s figure out what's TRULY ALIGNED, what fills us up, and what helps us feel more like our best selves. 💕 Rather than let the DRAMA 🚫 affect us, let's have our DHARMA 🌟 or greater Why and life purpose lead the way. So if you’re ready to ditch the drama and become a DHARMA QUEEN instead... ➡️ The Dharma Queen Membership is your ticket to truly sustainable, aligned, and bite-sized self-care. Join this self-care revolution to: 🔸 Get inspired without the overwhelm by gaining a focused and bite-sized digital self-care kit every month. 🔸 Feel supported by a community of empowered women building each other up, keeping each other accountable, and holding space without judgment. 🔸 Receive personalized, live, and on-going coaching from me in the group coaching calls every month and every week in the private voice and text message phone app, Voxer. Want in? 👀 Peep the link in bio or send me a DM! Ready to DITCH the SHOULDs? Drop a punch 👊 or 💯 below to spread the word!